SO I have been thinking hard about what to share with you all and what has been on my heart and a constant struggle for myself , is dealing with family/friend relationship dynamics during and after an adulterous affair. I think that so many times in these difficult situations we as bystanders or participants often feel the need to either offer advice, choose sides or bash the person who committed the infidelity. This is not helpful, in my experience, and only leads to further problems and risks alienating potential supporters from the spouse and children if any exist, and driving an even larger wedge between the couple. One important thing that people looking in from outside often fail to recognize is that although this person has committed a horrible betrayal there is the possibility that the offended party may wish to salvage and restore their marital relationship.
There is also the possibility that the offending party is not interested in restoration at this point and while they may be in need of correction, guidance and indeed some time away from their family it is not helpful to bash them to their spouse. On the flip side if you are a friend or family member of the offending party it is foolish to join with them in perpetrating lies, deception, aiding them in their adultery. After all what position can you then take when/if they do reconcile and their spouse is only too aware that you played such an enthusiastic role in the potential destruction of their family, contributing to the hurt and pain that they and their children have felt. There can come no good from upholding someone that you claim to love in foolish destructive behavior, and in not encouraging them with the truth that adultery is always the wrong choice.
I say this because I have witnessed in my own situation how family and friends have helped along the adulterous relationship and how it added to the feelings of betrayal. I personally felt that if sides had to be chosen than we all should have ended up on the same side that of my kids. Now that we are trying to restore our family and marital relationships I no longer see these people with the same eyes. They have permanently lost their position of intimacy within our family circle. It has strained some already thin ties and broken others completely.
I would suggest that the best way to be supportive in these circumstances is to be there to listen and encourage your family and friends in seeking professional and pastoral counseling and guidance.