Ain't life funny?

Well folks it is officially Black History Month and true to form I am finding myself confronted with some not so nice examples of who we have become as people individually and collectively, which is disheartening and altogether not an encouraging sign of what is to come. I struggle most days to find positive people who are truly committed to developing themselves and their families or communities into places where they can pour out the blessing of the time, energy and resources. It seems hopeless sometimes, and I understand why black people are moving away from the ghettoes and inner city instead of trying to rectify the situations that they find themselves surrounded by. After all who wants to raise their children in a morass of drugs, gangs, violence and all around bad company? certainly I don't and that is why I am determined to find ways to empower my children to step outside of what their peers are into and follow the path that leads to their own success. I refuse to let them be the next casualty, just some random statistic of black youth gone wrong in this country.
What amazes me even more is the apathy among black people. I understand that sometimes poverty and other disadvantages can encourage an attitude of helplessness, but at some point we have to become responsible for ourselves, start holding ourselves accountable for the condition of our youth and cultural heritage as well as our legacy collectively as a people and as individual family units.
I hope that as we go forward we can all find ways to help each other attain some part of our dreams and goals. Everyone needs help and encouragement!

Stop belittling the men and boys in your life

Lately I have been seeing a lot of women and girls running men down. They talk about men are good for nothings, shameful, call them dogs, and so on. They also are the same women who complain that there aren't any good men left. Anybody else see a connection here? I'm just saying ...
Stop being bitter and start being better than you were. Stop blaming others for your choices and do something differently.
There are good men out there and they are eager to be able to express that to the right woman however if you are bitter and cold you are not what they re looking for.
And another thing if you have children stop running their daddy down! in front of them to the side with your girlfriends or momma, on the phone , or by arguing all crazy in front of them. They watch you and trust and believe they listen to every word you say and every gesture you make. when you are sitting with your friends talking about how all men are dogs and can't be trusted your sons are listening. When you tell him he is just like his no-good daddy he listens. When you tell his father you hate him the kids are listening and they think you hate them too after all he is in them too.
I'm just saying...
If you want to see better men out there make better choices and find a strong mentor for your family and get God in your life, stop emasculating your husband and allow him to run the home, pray pray pray, and encourage the men and boys in your life to be honorable by being honorable yourself.

Restaurants in Roc on review---#2

CJ's Southern Soul food located at 701 Lake Avenue

I decided to try something new today and grab some soul food to go, which in my experience is a no-no here in Rochester. I had heard soem great things about the owner's commitment to the community and his generosity as well as the food being good so I felt I was in good hands. Lesson number one : Do not equate philanthropy with cooking skills. We ordered two dinners one baked chicken with dirty rice and sweet potatoes and a fried porkchop dinner with collards and cabbage. Needless to say I was very disappointed as I had to change my order to avoid the box of instant mashed potatoes, and canned green beans, and instead recieved undercooked cabbage and collards that tasted of the dregs of a pot. The rice and sweet potatoes were not any better. We had vistited the website prior to going and thought that we might be getting large portions and simple good food, but were quickly disabused of that idea. There was barely one scoop of each side( which happens in this case to be a good thing), and my pork chops turned out to be pork steak.
I do not advise anyone else spending their hard earned money in this establishment, stay at home and grab some ingredients from the pantry it will be much better I'm sure.

How do you afford Peace ?? this is something I wrote under my pen name PoetryInked

HOW would you live if you could not afford PEACE? How would you live if you knew there was no release no withdrawal of pain and death, hegemonic society exploding missiles in your houses, violating the centers of learning determined to destroy your greatest resources, the minds of your children corrupted by fear, always on alert never needing a news report to say the terror level is high ,orange bursts of fire racing overhead are never shooting stars but they shooting down stars erasing the could have beens and should have beens, chasing and hunting and blowing up cars collateral damage is all they can say, while innocents consumed by fire and poison lay bleeding in streets and moaning for their sons, I ask you how would you afford PEACE when quiet is what signals wars overwhelming silence is what allows wars holding back gasps allows other to hold gats and rat a tat tats fly through the air the way the laughter of babes used to do instead of jumping ropes they pickup guns with scopes and align with those against HOPE and when it all collides where will I be? How will I give when there is no release? when they say I can't come to deliver aid? Will I stand up and SPEAK? Will I call them LIAR by name will I stand up and SPEAK or falter in SHAME? How will you afford PEACE? Out of mind out of sight until their pain took flight now we have surrendered to the idea that we must fight instead of leaning down to offer our hands we turn our backs and ignore their demands For freedom HOW DO YOU AFFORD PEACE?

You married the man not the family, right?

I was speaking with my soon to be sister in law today and we were both frustrated and too through with all of the drama that comes with our in laws and by matter of course our men. I'm sure our complaints and gripes aren't any more extreme than the average however when we are going through it with this type of situation it can become very isolating. As the veteran in our relationship I have tried to encourage her with stories of my own experiences and failure to relate to or manage the complicated can of worms that is my husbands family. I also have attempted to create for her a supportive and comfortable space so that she might feel like she is welcome at least in our part of the family but nagging at the back of my mind is still the question of just who am I married to here???
In my ideal world I guess the answer would be just my husband but we live here so I 'm aware that I signed up for a whole lot more than that when we took our vows almost ten years ago. I still wonder sometimes what inspires such indifference in them that they would rather hurt their family members than try to sincerely be a positive influence in their lives. Amazingly or maybe less so, our husbands are not quite so upset about the status quo and it creates a lot of resentment within our marriage/relationship, because we are not able to understand the willingness of these otherwise reasonable people to search out and submit themselves to the cruel treatment they receive whenever there is an interaction with the inlaws.
Any advice on how to effectively deal with this and still build strength into our relationships would be great!!

Restaurants in Roc on review

SO I promised in my intro that I would sprinkle in some recipes and reviews of restaurants in the Rochester, Ny area and I am making good with my first review.

As an avid foodie I am always interested in trying new places that cater to my predilection for carbs, and Rochester has a wide array of restaurants willing to satisfy that craving from pizza joints and all American diners to the Latin, Caribbean and African eateries that feature wonderfully spiced dishes as well as all of the Asian and Indian cuisines.
First up is Gusto, a small Italian restaurant that features paninis, pastas, soups and salads serving lunch and dinner. Let me just say that I have never been disappointed here, not by the food, service or price. I must recommend that you be prepared to enjoy simply wonderful salads, that are dressed perfectly, my favorite is the Fico ( spinach,prosciutto, fresh mozzarella, figs and a yummy balsamic vinaigrettee). All of the ingredients marry well and complimented the Panini alla Pizza very well.   This sandwich has artichokes,roasted red peppers, tomatoes, mozzarella and basil and melts into your mouth like nothing else. The bread is toasted perfectly and you can also order these together as a lunch special with a half portion of each. I suggest following up with a warmed slice of the almond cake that is dusted lightly with powder sugar.This cake is homemade and instantly evokes visions of someone's grandmother in a kitchen cooking treats just for you.
The atmosphere here is nice open , allowing for conversation and enjoyment of the neighborhood because of the large windows facing out on to Alexander ave. Trust me this is a restaurant to keep in mind for any occasion.

Okay so I am a procrastinator...

Since last year my husband and I have welcomed two  baby girls into our lives bringing the count of our little circle to 6. It is amazing the way that a new baby or two can impact your life in so many ways which never cease to cause stuttering and idiocy in me. Apparently parenthood  can be quite challenging and increases in its level of difficulty with each child that you add to the equation...go figure. Funny enough I would not trade my little family for anything in the world. They are the focal point of my life and without them I would be lost.
They have provided me with a stability and calmness that I never had before. Frenetic activity combined with equally disjointed thought and speech followed by spurts of unusually intelligent utterances characterized my earlier incarnation as a student of life.
 Now as I come to terms with my new postion of stay at home mom, I am struck by the sadness I have experienced in the midst of my happiness, caused by longing to be that woman who could spend her time in art galleries and coffee shops discussing topics of a much weightier concern than whether or not the Backyardigans are cooler than the Wonderpets. In the quiet times that I can snatch after midnight while folding laundry or washing dishes I escape in my mind, time traveling back to when I could submerge myself in books and tea and incense, only resurfacing to visit the bathroom for necessary functions while I wrote and wrote and poured from my soul poetry that I believed could set our world on fire. I was going to shake the trees and tremble the earth with my thoughts. I was a WRITER (cue the weird classical music).
As I approach my 34th birthday and my tenth wedding anniversary it occurs to me that it doesnt have to be one or the other. I can exist as all of myself and not just one part or the other.
It is a sobering thing to look down the path not taken and recognize that there is still a chance to change things, to understand that all of my aspirations are still present and await only my complete abandonment of fear to accomplish them. So this blog will be my account of that process and my progress towards marrying the different parts of who I am.