Since last year my husband and I have welcomed two baby girls into our lives bringing the count of our little circle to 6. It is amazing the way that a new baby or two can impact your life in so many ways which never cease to cause stuttering and idiocy in me. Apparently parenthood can be quite challenging and increases in its level of difficulty with each child that you add to the equation...go figure. Funny enough I would not trade my little family for anything in the world. They are the focal point of my life and without them I would be lost.
They have provided me with a stability and calmness that I never had before. Frenetic activity combined with equally disjointed thought and speech followed by spurts of unusually intelligent utterances characterized my earlier incarnation as a student of life.
Now as I come to terms with my new postion of stay at home mom, I am struck by the sadness I have experienced in the midst of my happiness, caused by longing to be that woman who could spend her time in art galleries and coffee shops discussing topics of a much weightier concern than whether or not the Backyardigans are cooler than the Wonderpets. In the quiet times that I can snatch after midnight while folding laundry or washing dishes I escape in my mind, time traveling back to when I could submerge myself in books and tea and incense, only resurfacing to visit the bathroom for necessary functions while I wrote and wrote and poured from my soul poetry that I believed could set our world on fire. I was going to shake the trees and tremble the earth with my thoughts. I was a WRITER (cue the weird classical music).
As I approach my 34th birthday and my tenth wedding anniversary it occurs to me that it doesnt have to be one or the other. I can exist as all of myself and not just one part or the other.
It is a sobering thing to look down the path not taken and recognize that there is still a chance to change things, to understand that all of my aspirations are still present and await only my complete abandonment of fear to accomplish them. So this blog will be my account of that process and my progress towards marrying the different parts of who I am.
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