The spiral

Needless to say the pieces of the puzzle I had been trying to solve for several months were falling into place for me. My husband's usual conservative spending had gotten out of control, and he never had a justification for where the money was going. His dissatisfaction with his job had gotten exponentially worse, and here I must admit that I was less than supportive when he came to me sharing his feelings of inadequacy, frustration and hurt.  I thought that I was giving good advice, and supporting his dreams when I agreed with him in anger against these people at the job, however I have since learned I was shooting myself in the foot. He was locked in a circle of abuse that was patterned much like the typical abusive relationship ( they hurt him, he get mad and tell me, I get angry hate them, they make up they both hate me) and to top it off any suggestion that he leave was met with extreme resistance. To be honest I always felt that he had taken a position beneath his abilities but I wanted to be supportive of his re entry into the food service industry. Food was on of his passions in life and I felt that it was more important for him to work at something he felt passionately about than he have a job that paid more money. Sure it was a sacrifice , but when you love someone you make sacrifices. Still we had a growing family and the time he was spending away from home wasn't balancing well with our financial needs. This became a big topic of argument between us, and I deeply regret that. In my aggressive communication style I tend to have a take no prisoners attitude and let's just say a happy marriage this does not make. It does however lead to miscommunication, and feelings of resentment as well as a frustrating silence from the other party. It progressed to the point that my husband felt as though he was always wrong and should never try to express himself to me. I on the other hand felt like he had shut me out and was punishing me with his silence on issues only to express his dislike for my decisions after I made them. Things were not going well to say the least but there remained our personal circle of intimacy where we retreated when all else failed and ministered to one another in love and kindness. We never stayed angry for long, I have never been able to maintain a good long mad with him. He smiles at me and I swear I forget he had ever in my mind been wrong. In fact in the midst of all this we were planning on renewing our vows, and buying a house, not things that I thought we would be doing especially as he was directing this flow of events, if he was cheating on me. Ironically in the fall of 2012 I attended a Women of Faith event where I heard the testimony of  Kurt Warner's wife and hearing how poorly he husband had treated her I returned home with more love respect and gratefulness for the man I had married. And thus we made baby number five, I was scared, angry and disappointed to be pregnant and my husband was unusually, I thought, happy and reassuring. By November, things were looking up for us we were not arguing, in fact were happy, more content than we had been as he excitedly awaited his long promised promotion. The promotion didn't happen they gave it the man he trained to replace him and things in our home spiraled downward rather quickly. My reaction was quit the job you can get another, in fact take some time go back to school etcc. he ran through money, our savings, Christmas money, bill money, stayed out late, came home angry.  I now know this is when he became engaged in the affair....
We have to be vigilant people, be aware that the signs of discontent aren't noticeable only to you. Protect your marriages and guard your hearts and minds diligently lest a thief steals in.